A Tribute to my Darling Amber, The Apple of My Eye

Ok, let me just say that despite the fact that I have two amazing puppies in my life now, I am not over the death of my beloved Amber. I mean, to quote Jenny Grogan, I miss her. I really, really miss her. I ache-inside miss her. It's truly something so hard to explain.

People don't understand why I get so emotional about it. And when I say people, I mean non-animal lovers. Those who love them can definitely relate to how I feel. A couple weeks back, I was going through a photo album when I came across her picture. Oh boy, the water-works began.

She was truly a creature that I was so attached to. She stole my heart when I wasn't looking. No matter what, I always felt loved with her around. And I was glad that she was closest to me. I'll miss that terribly. I'll miss her waiting for my arrival from whenever I had been. I'll miss how she was such a lump she hated walking! I'll miss how aggressive she was with game. I'll miss her stinky breath. I'll miss her lying on my lap and most of all I'll miss the bond that has been lost forever.

I remember how reluctant I was to get puppies. In fact, I'm sure a lot of people were probably shocked at how soon I got them. It was what Evonne said that really made me get them. I swear, those were the moments when my friends truly understood. Eve said "Reubs, I know it's hard. But get a puppy asap. Yes, it'll be a rebound case, but when you get it you know you wont give it away and you'll fall in love all over again". It's definitely true, because I love Lexie and Bailey so much.

I will admit though that it's not the same as it was with Amber. Sorta like a first love you know? I don't feel as "bonded" to them. I love them nonetheless.

With Ambs it was just different. I mean, she was totally in-tune with the way I felt. My mom who looked after Amber when I was in Australia used to get furious with Amber at times because whenever my mom yelled at me, Amber would get up and growl at her. I had my own personal bodyguard! Amber never liked the people I didn't and got on so well with other animal lovers, in particular Ruby, Evonne, and Jane. She never took too well to my sister which is perfectly understandable cuz my sister is not an animal lover in the least! Amber used to jump and sleep on her bed when she wasn't looking and pee in her room.

Of course, Amber wasn't perfect. She was notorious for savagely attacking any other animal that entered the house. She loved to rip pillow cases and any clothing items on the floor to shreds. She was such a pain to take to the bathroom. She had terribly sensitive skin that required plenty of attention which caused major dents in the wallet. She would sneak all over the place and eat anything in sight, like the chocolate jam cake I made for my mom, she had licked off all the white chocolate icing that I had painstakingly made when nobody was looking. She had jumped on the couch to reach the plate of rice and chicken curry. She had a particular fondness for murukku and white bread though and never let anyone eat it without her getting a bite! She'd give me the third degree and the coldest shoulder if I came home after playing with another dog. She was a jealous thing that Amber. And she was spoilt. Satin pillows, fleece blankets, an air-conditioned room, hot-water showers, a bedazzled collar, the works. And she'd only pee on my mom's Iranian silk carpet or Belgian tapestry!

But she was loyal and devoted. She stayed by my bedside when I was down with dengue fever. She wouldn't eat until she had seen me. She'd defend me when anyone yelled at me. She's lay by my side when I was down. She cried the day I returned from Australia, and I mean she literally had tears streaming down her face. She never left my mom's bedside when my mom had an asthma attack. She stayed at my doorstep even if the door was closed without budging until I called.

I miss her so much, it hurts. The day she died was one of the worst days of my life. The pain I felt inside hurt physically. And the rage that came with it if someone made a snide remark about it scared me. Like when Dame snickered a couple days when I said I was curled up in bed crying after she died. I mean, what's the point of being so religious and "god is great" and all that bullshit when you lack compassion? In my book, you're nothing but cold.

That said, I truly wish people would just understand that pain is pain. When you love something so much, nobody has the right to judge whether it is significant or not. Your feelings are yours. You can't change it. You may try to suppress it, but eventually, it will resurface.

"Animal lovers are a rare breed of human, generous of spirit, full of empathy, perhaps a little prone to sentimentality and with hearts as big as the cloudless sky" - John Grogan (Author of Marley and Me)

"Non animal lovers are complete and total cold fish!" - Me.